Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
