I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my sisters under your porch take her home
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
