i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
