He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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