Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
