I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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