I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize