why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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