does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
