Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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