Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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