At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize