No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
