dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
