i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
