quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
nutella sex= disaster
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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