i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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