It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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