So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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