your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Randomize
