i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize