It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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