i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
