Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
