This is not my ceiling
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
