I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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