Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You did what with his pubic hair?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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