do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
