So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
