I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
