Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
