it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize