theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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