best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
