1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
