Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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