I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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