a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
