i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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