My first STD was from a foam party
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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