Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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