I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
