My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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