That's intense
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
