there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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