I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
