i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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