Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
