i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
