just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
