A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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