i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize