morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
