You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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