Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
