okay pat passed out under dana's car
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
