Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
