Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
