I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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