I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
