i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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