I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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