so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
