my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i drank out of a bidet.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
