Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
