Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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