I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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