Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
