Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
