I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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