I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
