Pregnant stripper...not hot.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
