Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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