So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize