Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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