he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize