If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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