I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
