Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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