I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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