Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
