I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
