He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize