I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
