So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
