No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
