He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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