I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
