I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You are the jesus of drinking
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
