wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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