I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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