you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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