Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
