escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
