East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize