How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
