remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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