Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
