I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
