I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
